07 May 2015

The Good, Bad and Ugly stuff : April

So. I've decided to add another category of stuff to the blog. The Good, the Bad and the Ugly (GBU) Stuff will be a monthly post about all the things from the previous month that are particularly noteworthy- the highlights and lowlights, if you like. I'm aiming mostly for the good, but allowing myself an occasional bad and/or ugly too. (I'm defining ugly as something which is both good and bad; a necessary evil. Why? Because I can.)

The Good...


Oh, spring. At last the days are longer and the nights lighter (I'd love to be enthusiastic about light mornings but I have children who think it's fair game to wake up with the sun. Bah.). And at last, some beautiful blue skies and warmer temperatures. So we unleashed the barbie and it was epic*, even more so as we shared it with friends we don't get to see often enough.

*apart from the bit where I was left alone with it for five minutes to 'watch the sausages' and they briefly caught fire. I DIDN'T TOUCH ANYTHING.

2 : A hundred pictures of cherry blossom

We have inherited a lovely garden and, in the year we've lived here, somehow we haven't destroyed it. I say 'we': this is entirely down to the hard work of Husband and absolutely no thanks to me. He maintains the garden, I document it (aka take photos). And let's be honest, who doesn't need hundreds of pictures of cherry blossom? You never know when you might need them.

(True story, though: I looked out of my front window one morning to the alarming sight of a unfamiliar toddler in a pushchair apparently abandoned on our drive. On opening the front door I discovered his mum in our front garden, standing in the flowerbed, taking photos of our cherry tree with her mobile phone. When she asked me if this was okay, I replied brightly that it was and retreated inside.

Erm, no. Not really. Please leave now, slightly crazy lady.)

3 : Toffee Fudge and Belgian Chocolate Hot Cross Buns

Thanks again, Marks and Spencers, for coming up with another irresistible treat that can singlehandedly set my healthy eating regime back a few thousand calories. These were a revelation for someone dried-fruit-phobic who never gets to eat these seasonal goodies. They were LUSH. Frankly the thought that I have to wait another whole year before tasting them again makes me want to cry. (Anticipating this I did 'buy some for the freezer'. They didn't remain frozen for very long.)

The Bad...

4 : Sciatica

Well, that's a self-diagnosis. Basically a really sore right leg which seizes up if I sit down for too long, and occasionally hurts like, erm, something really hurty if I do too much lifting/bending/crouching. Which is not very easy to avoid with a toddler and a baby. Ouch. Oouuuuch.

The Ugly...

5 : The dentist

I finally managed to get to the dentist to deal with a pesky fallen-out filling and a weird pregnancy-related lump on my gum which made me very shy about smiling ('You've got some food in your teeth! No? It's what? Oh, sorry'). Very uncomfortable, slightly painful, but at least it's done and I can smile unselfconsciously again. And good old Baby H managed to sleep through the whole thing. I'm slightly concerned that she seemed to find the noise of the drill comforting.

So what were your good, bad and uglies for April?

03 May 2015

Mum stuff : The Five Stages of Dressing a Toddler

Cub, demonstrating an outdoor version of
 'move away back over there' 

Inspired by this very funny post, these are my five stages of dressing Cub as according to Cub (or so I imagine, and since her capacity for non-stop commentary is rapidly increasing, my imagination doesn't need to be that good). I could make this list about 20 stages long but that would be against the principles of the blog, so here's a summary. 

(Kudos to Husband, who attempts the first three stages of this precipitous task almost every morning before he goes to work, occasionally in place of eating his breakfast.)

1 : Get dressed? Why on earth would I want to do that?! I've got stuff to do. Like washing my hands with 'soup' eight times and putting your socks on my giant Ikea toy dog's feet. Be away with your 'getting dressed'. Turn the tap off, you say? Sorry, I can't hear you. 

2 : I do NOT want the elephant nappies, thanks. Only the birdie ones. We don't have any? Well, that's your problem. And while we're at it, I don't like trousers, and I see no problem with wearing socks and tights at the same time. Don't foist your meaningless dressing conventions upon me. I'm running away from you now, and just to be sure you understand that, I will do it whilst shouting 'I'm running away from you!'

3 : Oh, all right. But only because you said I can watch five episodes of Peppa Pig after breakfast. And don't think for a moment that I'll forget that's what you promised. And don't even try to fob me off with that Noddy rubbish. 

4 : I can put my shoes on all by myself, thanks mum. And yes, I can do the zip on this ridiculous thick winter coat that you've insisted I wear for the freezing conditions outside (and which, for the record, I am not happy about- the lightweight cardigan would have sufficed). I'm perfectly capable. Your help is not required. Move away back over there.*

5 : For the love of God, mother, HELP ME. Do you really expect me to be able to do my shoes up by myself? And a ZIP?! I'm two, for goodness' sake, TWO. I'm going to need psychotherapy later in life to deal with your unreasonable expectations. Well, it's too late now. The damage is done. Now think about what you've done whilst I sit here in the hallway crying inconsolably. 

*she actually says this last bit, whilst pointing insistently to the other side of the room/ house/ universe. 

You Baby Me Mummy