03 May 2015

Mum stuff : The Five Stages of Dressing a Toddler

Cub, demonstrating an outdoor version of
 'move away back over there' 

Inspired by this very funny post, these are my five stages of dressing Cub as according to Cub (or so I imagine, and since her capacity for non-stop commentary is rapidly increasing, my imagination doesn't need to be that good). I could make this list about 20 stages long but that would be against the principles of the blog, so here's a summary. 

(Kudos to Husband, who attempts the first three stages of this precipitous task almost every morning before he goes to work, occasionally in place of eating his breakfast.)

1 : Get dressed? Why on earth would I want to do that?! I've got stuff to do. Like washing my hands with 'soup' eight times and putting your socks on my giant Ikea toy dog's feet. Be away with your 'getting dressed'. Turn the tap off, you say? Sorry, I can't hear you. 

2 : I do NOT want the elephant nappies, thanks. Only the birdie ones. We don't have any? Well, that's your problem. And while we're at it, I don't like trousers, and I see no problem with wearing socks and tights at the same time. Don't foist your meaningless dressing conventions upon me. I'm running away from you now, and just to be sure you understand that, I will do it whilst shouting 'I'm running away from you!'

3 : Oh, all right. But only because you said I can watch five episodes of Peppa Pig after breakfast. And don't think for a moment that I'll forget that's what you promised. And don't even try to fob me off with that Noddy rubbish. 

4 : I can put my shoes on all by myself, thanks mum. And yes, I can do the zip on this ridiculous thick winter coat that you've insisted I wear for the freezing conditions outside (and which, for the record, I am not happy about- the lightweight cardigan would have sufficed). I'm perfectly capable. Your help is not required. Move away back over there.*

5 : For the love of God, mother, HELP ME. Do you really expect me to be able to do my shoes up by myself? And a ZIP?! I'm two, for goodness' sake, TWO. I'm going to need psychotherapy later in life to deal with your unreasonable expectations. Well, it's too late now. The damage is done. Now think about what you've done whilst I sit here in the hallway crying inconsolably. 

*she actually says this last bit, whilst pointing insistently to the other side of the room/ house/ universe. 

You Baby Me Mummy


  1. Hehehe. I remember all these stages well. Particularly the socks and tights at the same time. #thelist

    1. We sometimes have 'requests' (ie orders) for skirts and jeans together too. And sometimes for no clothes at all. Fun, isn't it? Thanks for reading!

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  3. Haha! Have you been a fly on the wall of my house?! This is so true - every morning Reuben would far rather he stayed in his Pjs all day. He just doesn't get why we'd bother getting dressed! (I can relate at times!) Thanks for linking up to #TheList xx

    1. Thanks for reading Hannah! I don't think I'd mind if Cub wanted to stay in PJs- it's when she insists on going to nursery with no trousers on at all that I get concerned...